I'm tired of tik. I'm sick of reading about it, sick of writing about it, sick of hearing about it, just sick and tired of tik.
And, if reports are to be believed, so is everyone else.
Even the addicts are tired of it and are moving onto greener pastures. Perhaps that should be browner ones ? or whatever colour the new street scourge is.
Tik, by all accounts, is so yesterday. I can only imagine that the new trend is easier to ingest ? or inject, as the case may be. Most of the population are slaves to alcohol, but I dare say they wouldn't resort to stealing light bulbs just to have a container to brew it in. I know I wouldn't.
It all sounds so complicated and there's so much equipment involved I'm surprised anyone would bother. Call me out of touch, but if I need to steal a car headlight and have tinfoil and a teaspoon at hand, it' too much trouble for me. I don't even have the energy to be outraged any more.
I am impressed, though, by our mayor's drive to rid the city of drug merchants, even if I am a little concerned by her apparent conversion to Islam. Not because I have anything against having a change of god, you understand.
It's just that when I was growing up in the '80s we were always told that religion and politics didn't mix, even though the Dutch Reformed Church and the ruling National Party seemed to get on rather well.
Zille's DA predecessor, Tony Leon, had a penchant for doing the Hindu bindi in Durban, and he took criticism thereof rather personally. For this reason I am loathe to say more on Zille's burka-wearing ways, but if it will help the war on tik then I'm all for it ? although I'm not sure her recent association with People against All Kinds of Things is 100% kosher from a political point of view.
But what matters is that she succeeds in ridding the city of tik so that we don't have to read about it. I'm certain rehab centres would like a change too. Counsellors must be running out of patience with treating tik addicts. "Haven't you read the papers?" they must ask. "Did you miss the flyers, the speakers, the horror stories? How did this happen?"
Parents who aren't riding the tik wave themselves must be asking their tik-addled teens, or tweens, in some instances, "Why, oh why couldn't you smoke dope like everyone else? If it was good enough for us, it's good enough for you. But no, you had to take tik."
A decade ago people would be gobsmacked that a heroin or cocaine addict would sell the family silver for a hit. Now we don't even bat an eyelid when someone is murdered for R5 and a cigarette. "Must be tik," we say, turning the page.
Apparently, even the dealers are tired of tik. Now that they have enslaved half a generation to it, they are focusing their attentions on hooking the other half with some new concoction of heroin.
I know what you're thinking: Heroin is boring, so last century... or, (like me): Thank God, heroin is a barbiturate that will calm everyone down into a stupor and they won't have the energy to kill anyone.
Apparently not. The new scourge is not good, old-fashioned heroin, but a delightful medley of rat poison and leftover, rehashed smack that puts the rage of Zeus into anyone who comes within 20 feet.
Speaking of which, smack and crack would go very well together, and I don't mean in a pipe. But now that corporal punishment has been outlawed, I suppose I can't recommend a hiding either. And there is no doubt a good argument to be made that all the smacking is what gets kids into drugs in the first place.
Either way, a new killer drug is about to hit the streets, and this time I am not going to have a shred of sympathy for those who succumb. Call me callous, by all means, but don't say I didn't warn you.