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No Prison Break for naughty boys

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No Prison Break for naughty boys

by Tammy Petersen
18 Jun 2008
Peoples Post
Peoples Post

MICHAEL JACKSON isn't the only smooth criminal moonwalking the face of the earth.


Ananias "The Vaseline Houdini" Mathe, the first and only man to break out of Pretoria's notorious C-Max prison with the help of good old Elizabeth Anne's in 2006, got a bum deal when cops nabbed him 50 m from his cell this month trying to produce the sequel to "a smooth escape".

He seems to have acted rather rashly.

He probably tried to slip out of the slammer after hearing that correctional services portfolio committee head Dennis Bloem wanted to ban soapies from the prison TV schedule.

Muvhango and Binnelanders would have to take a back-seat to the mathematical genius that is the Learning Channel.

That's right - no more illegitimate children and extra-marital affairs in the plot for our convicts. Now it's all about solving for x and finding the square root of life in jail.

The distinguished features of William Smith will brighten up their lives instead of the flaxen haired Brooke Logan-Forrester-Forrester-Forrester.

Tear gas will probably be necessary to control the murderous masses baying for the blood of the prison official holding the remote control.

Who wants to divide by y when Busi just killed Anne in Generations?

It would be heartbreaking if Ngconde Balfour won't let inmates watch the funeral of the craziest and most evil women on SABC.

The uproar! The cheek! The invasion of human rights!

What are they going to take next? The Wednesday spa treatments?

And while chaos rules within the walls that are Pollsmoor, Tony Yengeni will chuckle heartily while deciding whether to watch 7de Laan or Isidingo.

He must be relieved he didn't attend the ANC rally in Worcester last Thursday when Mcebisi Skwatsha was knifed in the neck by a comrade who wasn't training for the marathon on Sunday.

Now if Jacob Zuma was there, armed with his machine gun, Skwatsha would have had no problem.

The bald and beautiful former chief whip surely thanked the correctional gods when they released him and instead of being forced to attend these rather boring rallies he gets to see Celine Dion.

All hail to the power of his parole board who decided that his being at the once-in-a-lifetime show was without a doubt "exceptional circumstances".

He probably didn't think twice when he jumped into his luxury car and sped off to Somerset West to show the Canadian crooner the colour of his love. No matter how many investigations are launched to determine whether he was allowed to attend, the beast still got to see the beauty.

And that's the way it is.

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